Having it All: Forbidden Romance (Punishment Pit Book 3) Read online

  Having it All

  The Punishment Pit ~ Book Three

  Livia Grant

  ©2020 by Livia Grant

  All rights reserved.

  No part of the book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  Published by Black Collar Press

  Having it All

  Punishment Pit Series - Book Three

  by Livia Grant

  e-book ISBN: 978-1-947559-36-3

  Print ISBN: 978-1-947559-37-0

  Cover Art by Laura Hidalgo and Spellbinding Creations

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  First Electronic Publish Date, September 2020

  First Print Publish Date, September 2020

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  About the Author

  Also by Livia Grant

  Black Collar Press

  Blurb

  Submission is an addiction she thought she’d left behind,

  but who can say no to him?

  Best friends are always supposed to be there for each other,

  but walking into a place like The Punishment Pit was above and beyond.

  Now Master Lukus is holding her captive,

  intent on punishing Tiffany for her mistakes,

  and instead of saving Brianna,

  she’s trapped with a man from her darkest fantasies.

  She’s in way over her head. Falling too hard, too fast.

  And the dangerously dominant owner of the club is pushing all her buttons,

  waking up every naughty desire she’d ever had and more.

  Chapter One

  Markus

  The room was dark, illuminated by only a few dying votive candles about to be snuffed out like the dozen others had been before them. Markus contemplated getting up to blow the last candles out but didn’t want to disturb his sleeping wife tucked against his body.

  Brianna was nearly sleeping on top of him, her right arm and leg thrown over his naked body, her head tucked under his arm as she snuggled close, using his chest as her pillow. He smiled down at his wife. Even in sleep, it seemed she wanted to stay as physically close to him as possible. He knew just how she felt.

  Hell, I’d sleep buried inside of her if my dick would cooperate.

  After their wild ride on the stage downstairs, and another quickie once upstairs, Brianna had somehow managed to fall into a deep sleep once they got to Lukus’s guest room. Considering she’d had little-to-no sleep the night before—coupled with the emotional and physical upheaval of her last twenty-four hours of punishment—her exhaustion made sense.

  As drained as he was, Markus found himself staying awake just to listen to the comforting sounds of his wife’s slow and steady breathing. The mishmash of visions floating through his brain made sleep impossible for the recently revived Dom.

  Damn, she was beautiful tonight on stage, the perfect vision of submission with her gorgeous body responding to the pain, allowing it to bring her pleasure. I was sure Lukus had been full of shit.

  Feelings of sexual dominance he’d long ago learned to suppress were now coursing through his body. Markus was giving those feelings free rein after having kept them locked away from the mistaken fear of scaring Brianna. How wrong he’d been. If only he had known of his wife’s deep need to submit—a need that drove her to the arms of a former lover. Now, in the fallout of Brianna’s infidelity, the lockbox where he’d kept his feelings hidden away had sprung open. Memories and emotions he’d thought long gone had resurfaced with a vengeance.

  If the reawakening of his dominant nature were the only thing weighing on the recycled-Dom, he might have been able to find some peace. Unfortunately, his dominant tendencies were not the only memories he’d locked away. Markus had also managed to stuff the regret over how he’d failed his ex-wife Georgie at the end of their marriage into that same small box. Now the guilt spilling out was threatening to drown him.

  It felt wrong to be thinking of his ex-wife while lying with the love of his life wrapped in his arms, but Markus knew if he was going to take his place as the Dom of his marriage, he had no choice but to deal with his failures from the past head-on to ensure he never made the same mistakes with Bri. He wallowed in his guilt for several long minutes more before regaining control of his wayward emotions.

  Looking back, he’d known, even on the day they got married, he’d not given his whole heart to Georgie. Not really. At least, not in a way a husband should. He’d loved the idea of being married, and he had certainly loved dominating his beautiful full-time submissive, but even at the time he’d subconsciously known he used his natural dominance as a shield to keep not only his wife, but other aspects of his life, at arm’s length. While that shield helped make him a successful lawyer, it made him a shitty husband.

  Meeting Brianna had changed everything, and Markus had promptly cut Lukus out of his life after meeting her. He’d told himself at the time he was just protecting Bri from being around the BDSM scene since it was through BDSM she’d met her former abusive boyfriend, Jake. But the raw truth was that Markus hadn’t just cooled his friendship with Lukus because of Bri. It had just as much to do with his shame over how he’d let Lukus down when things fell apart with Georgie.

  As hard as it was for Markus to admit, he’d been a coward. Lukus had been riding his ass for months after Georgie left and it was easier to cut Lukus out than it was to admit his own failings. Right or wrong, Markus had looked at Brianna as his do-over and he hadn’t wanted any of his past mistakes to bleed over into his new marriage.

  The fact Lukus had forgiven him was nothing short of a miracle. Markus made a silent pledge to never again let his invisible wall hold back his relationship with the closest thing he’d ever have to a brother.

  Markus continued to let the memories of that failed night replay over and over until he felt almost sick to his stomach, unshed tears blurring his vision.

  “Honey, what’s wrong? Oh, my God, Markus. I’m so sorry I hurt you so much. Please, don’t cry.”

  Markus had been so lost in his guilt as he remembered the second worst night of his life—last night being the worst—that he’d missed Brianna stirring awake by his barely suppressed sobs. To his utter shame, Markus found himself giving into his tears in front of his wife.

  Way to go, Lambert. You find out your wife, the love of your life, is desperate for a strong Dom in her life and you can’t stop yourself from crying every fucking ten minutes. Keep it up. You’re going to lose her just like you lost Georgie. Fuck, maybe I don’t deserve her anyway.

  “Markus, please. Tell me what’s wrong. You’re scaring me.” Brianna had raised herself up to look down at her husband from above. She used her fingers to brush at his tears. Her touch was soft and comforting.

  There was just enough light left in the room from the remaining candles for Markus to see how concerned she was, and he wondered what he’d done to deserve a second chance at love with this beautiful, sexy woman. It was, in p
art, his inability to recognize her deep submissive needs that had driven her into the arms of another man. Now that he had her back, he wouldn’t lose her again.

  Swiping at his tears, he finally found his voice. “Bri, sweetheart. There’s something I need to tell you.”

  An expression of mixed surprise and fear crossed her face. “Is everything okay, honey? Oh please, don’t tell me you can’t forgive me after all. I swear to you, I will never, ever, cheat on you again. I love you so much. I’ll do any…”

  Markus quieted his wife by placing two fingers against her trembling lips. “Shush. I know you won’t, sweetheart. It’s not about that.”

  Brianna sighed. “What is it, Markus? What could have you so upset if it isn’t what I did?”

  Markus pushed into a sitting position, throwing a pillow behind his back as he leaned against the slated headboard.

  Leave it to Lukus to have the perfect bed for tying down wayward subs.

  He pulled Brianna to him, depositing her in his lap, their faces just inches apart. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, subconsciously cradling her as if to avoid letting her slip through his fingers again. He was nervous as hell, but as close as they were, they’d both been keeping way too many painful secrets from each other—secrets that had just about ruined their marriage. As afraid as he was to tell her everything, he knew he had no alternative. There would never again be any secrets between them. Not if he had anything to say about it.

  Reaching to stroke her cheek, Markus took control. “Bri, it’s clear we’ve both been keeping way too many things from each other and that’s going to stop, starting tonight. It may take time, but we’re gonna talk until we have nothing hidden, do you hear me? You’re going to tell me more about what made you go to the BDSM clubs in the first place years ago and what it is you’ve been missing in our marriage that made you risk going anywhere with that asshole who hurt you so badly in the past.”

  When Brianna opened her mouth to speak, Markus gently moved his fingers to her lips again. “Not yet, baby. You’re not the only one who’s been keeping secrets. I need to go first. I need to tell you why I never told you about my being a Dom, about being a member of The Punishment Pit, and about why I never told you Georgie was my full-time submissive.”

  The surprise on her face made Markus smile. “Lukus told me you were a Dom and Rachel told me she’s known you for years because you used to come to the club, but it feels different hearing you say it. Part of me worried they were making it up.”

  “A small part of me wishes they were, but they weren’t. From my time experimenting in college until the day I met you, I considered myself a full-fledged, card-carrying Dom. Before I met you, I never considered being in a relationship that didn’t include the BDSM lifestyle.”

  “So, what changed when you met me?” she softly asked.

  “Brianna, there’s a part of me that wishes I could have met you in one of the BDSM clubs before you met that asshole. I hate that you spent years of your life being brutalized by him, all the time thinking that was the way you were supposed to be treated… but…” Markus had to take a break to get the courage to continue. “But, in truth, I’m glad I didn’t meet you then, because I might have turned out to be the one to hurt you instead of him.”

  Brianna gasped. The shock on her face cut him to the core. “I can’t believe you would say that to me, Markus. You’ve never hurt me. Well, not before tonight, anyway.”

  “That’s the hard part for me to admit to you, sweetheart,” Markus explained. “I changed when I met you, and the reason I was able to change was because I fell in love with you the first night we met.” He paused, his eyes locked onto hers. “But there’s another darker reason—one I never admitted to anyone, not even to myself. Not until everything blew up yesterday and I finally thought things through. Do you remember the night we sat out on the balcony at the hotel in South Beach watching the ships, talking for hours?”

  Her gorgeous smile returned to his lovely wife’s face. “How could I ever forget that night, Markus? It was our first trip away together. We had only been dating a couple months, but I already knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I was so happy when you surprised me and whisked me away to Miami for the romantic getaway. Not only did we learn so much about each other but…” She blushed. “… it was our first time making love that night. I still can’t believe you waited for me as long as you did, making sure I was ready after all Jake had done to me.”

  “It was one of the most important nights of my life, Bri, and I’d planned on telling you about me being a Dom that night, and about how I belonged to The Punishment Pit and how I had hopes of helping you put your fear behind you. But after you told me the details of the horrendous things he’d done and how afraid you were… you were so vulnerable. I could hear it in your voice. You were terrified of being hurt like that again. You associated all of the pain with the lifestyle, so I pledged that night to never again let anyone hurt you like that, not even me.”

  Her answer was only a whisper. “I wish you’d told me anyway, Markus.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  “How can you say that?”

  “Because, in all truth, before I met you, I wasn’t much different from Jake. I was a terrible Dom to Georgie, and that night as I listened to you talk about how his actions had impacted you, it made me understand that what I’d done to Georgie at the end of our marriage wasn’t really much different than what Jake had done to you. It scared the shit out of me. I actually got sick to my stomach when I realized Georgie could be sitting somewhere at that very moment saying the exact same things about me, and she would have had every right. Do you remember how I got up and rushed to the bathroom at one point?”

  “Yes.” It was a whisper.

  “I barely made it to the bathroom before I threw up from my disgust at myself.”

  Brianna had a look of incredulous disbelief on her face. “I don’t… no, I won’t believe it, Markus. There is nothing you can say to me that would make me believe you are even one percent like Jake. Nothing. Do you hear me?” She sounded so strong, her loyalty unwavering.

  Damn, I don’t know what I did to deserve this woman.

  “You say that now, Bri. But you don’t know what happened… what I did.”

  “So, tell me.”

  “It was a million little things… and one… fucking… terrible… unforgivable thing.” When Brianna held silent, waiting expectantly, he finally plunged forward. “The last night… the night she’d finally had enough of my near-constant absence and got the courage to leave me… I hurt her. I let my anger take over and I tried to punish her into staying. I broke the most important rule of being a Dom. I didn’t take care of her or protect her. I hurt her verbally, and when that didn’t work, I hurt her physically. I even—fuck—I can’t believe I have to say these words to you. I even blew through her safeword and continued to whip her with a bullwhip until Lukus had to tackle me to make me stop.”

  He heard the sharp intake of Brianna’s breath and saw the flicker of shock cross her face before she quickly recovered. Markus waited, expecting to hear the disgust in her voice for what he had done. He wasn’t prepared for her anger as she confronted him.

  “Okay, so let’s get a few things straight here, Markus. I’m going to ask you questions and I want you to tell me the truth, do you hear me?”

  Markus couldn’t help but crack a smile. She actually sounded like a bossy Domme right that minute.

  “Yes, ma’am.” His response brought a small smile to her lips.

  “Okay, question number one. Did you allow Georgie to have a safeword before that night?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay, difference number one with Jake. I never got to even have a safeword until the very end. Next question. Before that night, had she ever needed to use her safeword?”

  “Hell, no.”

  “Difference number two with Jake. I begged for him to stop so many times. That last
weekend I must have screamed my new safeword ten times and not only did he not stop, but he actually laughed at me. Did you ever laugh at Georgie that night, Markus?” Before he could answer, she continued. “In fact, did you ever laugh at Georgie when you disciplined her or punished her?”

  “Of course not, but….” It was Bri’s turn to hold her fingers up to his lips to shush him.

  She was on a roll. The next set of questions come so fast he had no time to answer. “Did you ever purposely humiliate her? Tie her down and punish her for hours on end while she begged you to stop? Did you ever cane her until you drew blood to satisfy your own sadism? Did you ever once fuck her so hard she was in pain for weeks after? Not hours. Not days, but fucking weeks because you had torn her?”

  Brianna was shaking in his arms and he knew it wasn’t just from the fearful memories, but from her anger. It had the desired effect of capturing his full attention. “Bri, sweetheart. You don’t understand. I wasn’t a very good husband or Dom to her and when I could see you were so afraid, it was almost a relief for me to be able to just turn my back on the D/s lifestyle. It’s like I got a do-over. I didn’t have to keep going back to the club and hear the whispers behind my back as I’d walk by. I didn’t have to keep having my failures thrown up in my face. I got a fresh start and I’ve been truly happy. I want you to know that. I’ve never once regretted walking away. Well, not until I realized I’d failed you too by not picking up on your submissive needs.”